Perhaps people's birth certificates should be stamped with team they are allowed to support.
Send the details on a couple of CDs to all clubs, so they can turn away any plastic fans.
Plus the extra details on the discs will make the routine administration of collecting the right fees from real fan's accounts so much easier.
But what do we do with Wimbledon fans? Sending them up to Milton Keynes every other week seems very cruel.
I grew up about 200 yards nearer to Goodison than Anfield. It's been nice knowing you. Do I get to choose the manner of my execution?