Sorry for the late reply, i was just looking for my tweed jacket and pipe for this evenings opening. Be sure to get a pint of warm brown slop ready for me, oh sorry, i mean a delicately balanced craft ale.

May i bring along my 15 children please? Seeing as this pub is also going to be a nursery.

Mmmm i'm just dying to see the unique menu of burgers on a chopping board, maybe some pulled pork too? How about a nice 'homemade' quiche to pop on the side with a green salad.

Love these original gastro-pubs.

The problem you see, with this pub and SO many others like it, is that you have ZERO identity. It's gone from mindbogglingly dull to laughable. And you spent £600K doing this?!! What an absolute joke.

Still if it rounds up all the beards and wallies and keeps them in one place, i guess then decent honourable people like myself wont have to put up with you mincing down the street waving your flat caps and talking about your urban garden being like soooooo 'organic'. Bore off.

Yours faithfully, a REAL man.