BBQ - damn cheeky in my book. If you don't like smoke, don't have the BBQ in the first place! It's like if you have a dog which does it's doodoo's in the neighbours garden but not in your own!

As for the party, of course it should not disturb neighbours by 1 a.m. or so. I say get a dog and put the doodoos on their lawn and see how they like it.